Our hearts are central to our spiritual and emotional well-being, so much so that the bible references it over 700 times. Our hearts hold the substance of our feelings, core desires, beliefs, and responses to the world. The state of our hearts, both practically and spiritually, can affect our thinking, life, and interaction with those around us. If you desire to cultivate a loving heart, assessing and addressing the heart’s characteristics and matters is imperative. According to the Word of God, we know several things about our hearts:

Everything Flows from It

Proverbs 4:23: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

Holds Our Desires

Matthew 6:21: “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Can Be Hardened

Mark 6:52: “For they had not understood the loaves; their hearts were hardened.”

Hearts Are Wicked

Jeremiah 17:9: “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”

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Jeremiah 17:9 has been a very humbling verse for me to meditate on over the past few months. It captures the crux of our salvation. We are born with hearts that are far from God, in a sinful world, and wrapped in fleshly bodies that naturally oppose Him. It’s humbling to realize our inherent faults, but the beauty of the gospel is that through accepting God, we also take the newness that comes with salvation.

This transformation doesn’t happen overnight; it’s a process. If we’re honest, we might resist the work that God calls us to for heart and mind transformation. We often shy away from this painful process of cultivating healthy hearts.

Before exploring how to cultivate a healthy and loving heart, let’s examine some factors that damage our hearts:

Rejection and Abandonment
Disappointment
Abuse

These factors can leave deep emotional scars, shaping how we view ourselves and others. Rejection and abandonment can foster feelings of unworthiness and fear of intimacy. Disappointment often leads to cynicism and a guarded heart, while abuse—whether physical, emotional, or spiritual—can shatter our sense of safety and trust. Recognizing the impact of these experiences is the first step toward healing and restoring the health of our hearts. It’s important to acknowledge and validate the pain we’ve experienced, as it’s a crucial part of the healing process. You are not alone in this journey.

Here are three ways you can take towards cultivating a loving heart:

1. Allow God to Heal Us from Shame

Victims of abuse, rejection, or abandonment can develop a sense of shame that makes them feel unworthy of love. They may build defense mechanisms to protect themselves from further hurt—closed hearts out of fear of being hurt again. As someone who has experienced abandonment, rejection, and verbal abuse, I can attest to this reality. Through my journey with the Lord, I realized I was building a wall around my heart rather than a gate because I feared being hurt again. But God’s love is transformative. He encouraged me to trust Him with my heart, believing in His unfailing love and that He never ceases to pursue us. God loves us despite our flaws and shortcomings. He didn’t like what was done to us by others, but He will never disown or stop loving us. This truth creates a strong foundation for a loving heart, inspiring hope and transformation.

2. Develop a Strong Vertical Relationship

A strong relationship with God is a source of reassurance and support. It helps us understand and experience His love more fully, enabling us to form healthier horizontal relationships with others. Cultivating a loving heart may involve finding a healthy community and allowing yourself to be loved and cared for by them. But the foundation of all these relationships is our relationship with God. It’s a relationship that is always there, supportive, and loving.

3. Challenge Beliefs and Strongholds

Often, we maintain hard and unloving hearts due to belief systems—strongholds in our minds based on lies and distorted truths. When we cling to lies such as “no one cares,” “I have to do everything myself,” or “everyone is selfish,” we are blinded to genuine kindness. We might also join communities with caring individuals but fail to be vulnerable, perpetuating the lie that no one cares.

SEE ALSO: Russell Wilson’s Inspirational Message to His Son Reflects Our Heavenly Father’s Love

Though this is not an exhaustive list, opening ourselves to God’s love, understanding His truths, being vulnerable in the community, and allowing others to support and love us are vital to cultivating a loving heart. It’s a lifelong process that requires willingness, openness to the messiness of the journey, and a readiness to be vulnerable.

Sade Solomon is a NYC-based social media personality and multi-hyphenate creator who boldly and fashionably ignites authentic and candid conversations on topics surrounding intercourse, singleness, and abstinence. After embarking on her journey of abstinence in 2013, Sade began openly sharing her life-changing commitment on various online platforms while enlightening and inspiring many through her journey. In her book, Ready, Set, Wait, Sade peels back the layers of truth about navigating singleness and abstinence as a single Christian woman. Her work and commentary have been featured by Good Morning America, Harper’s Bazaar, Essence, Black Love, and XO Necole.

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